Wednesday, October 29, 2008

7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

I am sure some of you have read these before but I thought it was time for some humor......

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute..'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of an elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'


Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

See, this is one of many reasons why I Wuv Your Blog!!! You are so funny! I enjoy your writing style. Thanks for the tickle this morning. I laughed so hard I almost spit coffee on the keyboard. YIPES! [ha ha] God bless! ♥ ∞

Country French Antiques said...

Out of the mouths of babes!
You gave me a good laugh this morning.
Thanks for sharing!

GrandmaK said...

This was very Cute! Cathy

Gill - That British Woman said...

those are really good, thanks for posting them.

Gill in Canada

Ginger said...

That was fun to read. It's so never know what a child will pop up with.
Thanks for sharing.

Janeen said...

By the way, did you comment on Sparkys blog to thank her for the award yet?

Angela McRae said...

These are great! Thanks for sharing them!

Therese said...

thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment. I love these jokes. I look forward to reading your blog more and getting to know you over the net.


Michelle said...

Hiya Melody!

Those are all too funny. Well, I don't have kids but I can sure appreciate what comes out of their little mouths!

Happy Halloween!

Michelle :)

Theresa @ Take A Sentimental Journey said...

I just love kid jokes,they are so cute.

the voice of melody said...

Hi, I came over from Warm Pie, Happy Home and I'm glad I did. What a cute blog you have!

Thanks for making me laugh with this post today!

Many sweet blessings :)

Laura said...

Good morning,
I've been collecting tips, recipes and alot of information over the years. My blog is finally an outlet to share it all! I'm happy you enjoy reading them.
Have a wonderful weekend!

GrandmaK said...

Please stop by and claim your award. You truly deserve it. Cathy

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