Saturday, June 19, 2010

Company Policy

Ever wonder about how Company Policies got started?  Let me give you some insight:

Start with a cage containing five apes.

In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it.  Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.  As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.  After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.  This continues through several more attempts.

Pretty soon, when another apes tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it.  Now, turn off the cold water.  Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one.  The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.  To  his horror, all of the other apes attack him.  After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remover another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one.  The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.  The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.  Again, replace a third original ape with a new one.  The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.  Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. 

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced.  Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.  Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins.......

Monday, June 14, 2010

Job Search Key Phrases

A lot of people today are out of jobs or looking to change careers so let me help you with some key phrases to look out for.  I came upon these in a pamphlet today and the humor is that most of them are probably true!! 
COMPETITIVE SALARY:  We remain competitive by paying less than our competition.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:  We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:  We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED:  You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:   Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:  Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:  We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:  Female applicants must be childless ( and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:  If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:  We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

and last........

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:  You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
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