Job Search Key Phrases

A lot of people today are out of jobs or looking to change careers so let me help you with some key phrases to look out for.  I came upon these in a pamphlet today and the humor is that most of them are probably true!! 
COMPETITIVE SALARY:  We remain competitive by paying less than our competition.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:  We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:  We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED:  You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:   Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:  Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:  We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:  Female applicants must be childless ( and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:  If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:  We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

and last........

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:  You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.